Jessica Love Counselor
by Tjfarmer
Summary: When one is having troubles, who is the best person to go to? Jessica, of course! She might not be good at getting Kanon, but she knows a lot about love! Or, at least she thinks she does! Jessica talks to her family about their problems.
1. Natsuhi and Krauss

"Please come in" Jessica yelled to the people knocking outside her office. This office was of course her room, fashioned into something resembling a work-place.

Two people walked into her room, her parents. Natsuhi's eyes were colored red from crying, and Krauss had a pissed off look in his face. Something was wrong in lovey-dovey land. They walked over to the couch that was laid out in the corner of the room, and sat down on opposite ends. Jessica pulled up a chair and set down in it backwards.

"So what's wrong?"

"Jessica, please sit properly"

Even when she is upset, Natsuhi was sure to reprimand her daughter whenever fate allowed her to. Jessica sighed, and got up from the chair and turned it around and set back down.

"So what's wrong?"

Rubbing her temples, Natsuhi said "Krauss here thinks he'll be able to travel to the moon and build a resort on it."

Jessica let out a loud laugh, and Krauss's face morphed into one more pissed off than before.

"Don't laugh! I invested a lot of money into this! Its gonna work!"

"I keep telling him it's not... But he insists it will…"

"You don't know until you try! According to my sources, in a few years there will be a huge service to allow people to get to the moon!"

"Dad, what are your sources?"

"…My business partners. They've never lied to me before."

"Or you just never noticed they have lied to you, dear."

"They know what they're talking about and I trust them!"

"Dad, do you reeeaaa~lly believe that there will be moon travel? The most cutting edge technology right now is the famicom. And you still haven't gotten me one yet."

"Jessica, a young woman doesn't need to waste her time with stuff like that! You need to focus on your studies!"

"Then go away, you're distracting me from 'my studies'."

"How dare you say that to your parents? Krauss, say something to your daughter!"

"…moon travel will be possible…."

"Krauss!"

"Huh? What?"

"Your daughter is telling us to get out!"

"Maybe we should. She's not helping us at all! …And she's just laughing at me anyway."

"Everyone's laughing at you, dad."

"Not my business partners! I'm telling you! Soon we will be living on the moon!"

"Oh yes, and then we'll be dancing with the rabbits on the moon! Dad, get real. It's not gonna happen. No matter how much you believe."

"Stop it! I'm never buying you that famicom if you keep this up!"

"Dear, she has a point. Listen to her."

"She has no point! She's just 18; she doesn't know shit about anything!"

"Even if she's 18, don't use such language around her!!" over-protective Natsuhi, as usual.

"She's 18! Let her cuss!"

"…You guys are straying from the point!"

Jessica put them straight, and made them start talking about the moon again. She got up from her chair, and laid down on her bed, facing the ceiling.

"So, Dad. You believe in moon travel, right?"

"Right."

"Mom, you believe that there won't be travel to the moon, right?"

"Yes."

"The problem here lies with how gullible dad is."

"Don't call your dad gullible!"

"Mom, you think he's gullible too…."

"That's not the point! Don't insult your father!"

"Ugh. Fine. Dad, you need to learn that moon travel for regular citizens won't be possible soon."

"Prove it. If you don't have any proof, I don't believe you."

"I learned about it in school a year ago."

"What class?"

"Ummm… what was the class called…"

Krauss almost caught Jessica in a lie, but her fast-wit protected her…

"Rocket Science."

"They teach rocket science at school?"

"Ya, it's part of the new curriculum."

"I don't remember you signing up for that class, Jessica."

"You don't? I had you sign a paper for permission. You probably had a headache when you signed it and forgot."

"I would know if my daughter signed up for rocket science! Don't blame everything on my headaches!"… Natsuhi said that while rubbing her forehead.

"Anyway, Jessica! Moon travel will be possible! I don't care what rocket science taught you! Do I have to go up to your old teacher and tell him to stop lying to his students!?"

"H-he retired last year! I don't know where he is!"

"Then I'll complain to the school board! Bad teaching needs to be stopped!"

"Dear… it's not bad teaching. Its good teaching."

"It can't be good teaching if they lie about everything!"

"Arrrgghhh! Shut up! Travel to the moon won't happen!"

"Jessica! Don't tell your father to shut up!"

"Then you tell him that! I can't take it!"

"I would never tell him to shut up!"

"Well sometimes you have to! You can't wait for him to do something idiotic and then say something! Part of being married means you have to point out when your husband is doing something dumb! Tell him he's stupid to his face and maybe he'll listen!"

"Natsuhi would never tell me I'm stupid! Why did I even come here!? You don't know anything about love Jessica!"

"..Dear… you're being very… dumb right now"

Natsuhi spoke out in the midst of the argument between Krauss and Jessica. Krauss went silent, and Jessica burst out laughing.

"You need to learn that we will never have a resort on the moon. Please, dear, just learn this."

"…."

"Hahahaha! She said it, she actually said!"

Jessica rolled around on her bed, laughing. She was laughing a little too hard, and she broke out into a coughing fit.

"Dear! Grab her inhaler! She's choking!"

"Eh!? Where is it!?"

"I don't know! Somewhere in the room!?"

"Damnit! Where is it!?"

"I see it, it's on top of the stand over there! Go get it!"

"Why can't you go get it!?"

"Ugh, this isn't the time! I'll go get it!"

"No, I'm going! You told me to!"

They both ran to the stand continuing their ridiculous argument, and grabbed the inhaler. Natsuhi handed it to Jessica, and Jessica took a few whiffs of air from it. Her breathing returned to normal.

"Jessica! Are you okay?"

"Ya don't worry"

"You need to learn to control yourself, Jessica…"

"Ya ya, I know."

"..so now what?"

"Well, I helped you didn't I!? Pay me!"

"Pay you what?"

"Pay me by buying me that NES."

"No."

"Fine, 1000 yen?"

"No"

"Ugh, pay me by sending Shannon in here?"

"Why her?"

"We need to talk about someone."

"It better not be about Kanon!"

"It isn't. We need to talk about where my old rocket science teacher went."

"…I still don't remember you taking rocket science…"

"Doesn't matter, send Shannon in here, with some tea."

"Fine then, see you at dinner Jessica."

"Bye mom, bye dad."


	2. Shannon and George

"Can I come in, Milady?"

"Ya, sure Shannon. I did send you up here."

"Okay, I'm coming in…"

Jessica had a pillow ready in her hand, and pretended to throw it at Shannon, but held back.

"Don't spill the tea!"

"I can't help it… that's the role I'm supposed to play."

"Clumsy maid? How boring! You should be more than that!"

"Should my character be a crime fighting super robot, Milady?"

"Too exciting!"

"A girl that's really a boy…?"

"Perfect!"

They both started laughing, knowing that the whole time they could play along like this with a straight face.

"Soo~oo… How are you and George?"

"…we could be better…"

"What's wrong?"

"He…"

Shannon blushed…

"He…. Wants to…"

"He wants to…?"

"You know…. "

"I know…?"

"He wants to have sex!"

"WOAH!? What!? George!? Already!?"

"…."

"Wow, he… works fast. Maybe I shouldn't have hooked you guys up… he's probably only interested in your boobs anyway. Look at em! They're huge!"

"No! No… I think George just… wants psychical love… to go along with emotional love?"

"Eh!? Only nasty old perverts say that! George is a nasty old pervert! I'm going to call him now!"

"You don't have to, Milady!"

"Yes I do! I can't stand seeing George being attracted to your body so much!"

Jessica walked over to her phone, and pressed a few numbers. George picked up after a few rings.

"GEORGE! Get over here now! We need to talk!"

"Ehh…? Now? Today? I don't think there's enough time for me to even get there… wait, why do I have to go?"

"It's Shannon! She's seriously injured! In the middle of last night, someone pushed her down the stairs! We think she's going to pull through, and we already called Nanjo over here, but she said she wanted you! We're treating her in my room!"

"Shannon's hurt!? I'll be there as fast as I can! Daaaaadd! I'm going out for the rest of the night! Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow!"

George hung up.

"Okay, he'll be here in a few hours. Get ready, you guys are going to have a serious talk."

"Umm…. Its… really not that necessary Milady. Things will smooth themselves out eventually."

"Of course it's important! Stay here for awhile!"

"But Madam will get mad at me…"

"Who cares if my mom gets mad at you?! She's too busy calling my dad an idiot! She won't notice one servant missing!"

"I can't stay here! I'm busy!"

"You're busy when I say you're busy, and I say you are not busy!"

"Jessica, I really have to go."

"You can't leave if I stand in front of the door!"

Jessica ran to the door, and stood in front of it, arms crossed.

"Milady! This is just ridiculous!"

"No its not! This is serious! And I'm bored!"

"Its only serious because you're bored from your studies, isn't it?"

"Ya, but that doesn't matter! It's still important!"

Jessica stared Shannon down, and Shannon sighed. Shannon took a seat on her bed, and Jessica followed her the entire time.

"Good. Now stay there like a good little girl until George gets here."

"But it's going to be hooouuurrrs. I really can't go and do something while waiting, Milady?"

"No, you can't! We have stuff to talk about!"

"Like what…?"

"I don't know yet!"

"Better come up with one soon, or I'll try to force my way out~"

"Umm… Kanon-kun! Let's talk about Kanon-kun!"

"Kanon? Again? Really… We talk about him every day…"

"We can talk about him again!"

"Okay, so what about him this time…?"

"Umm… what color are his boxers!?"

Jessica yelled that out of nowhere, and Shannon looked shocked. Then they both laughed.

"Really now?"

"Y-yes! Really!"

"They're so pink, I nearly blinded myself when I saw them for the first time."

"Pink!? Hmmm… so Kanon-kun likes pink… maybe I can wear that ugly dress my mom bought me a few years ago. That pink one with the frills, and rose hat…"

"…"

"Were you kidding???"

"…Yes I was…"

"Arrrgh! Don't tug at my heart like that! I had it nearly thought out and everything! Maybe you shouldn't stay here if you're going to treat me like this!"

"Okay then, I'll be on my way~"

Shannon got up off Jessica's bed, and started 'charging' for the door.

"Oh no you don't! Sit back down!"

"Finnnnee."

"Okay then. But really. What color are they?

* * *

"Hello? Is Shannon in there!? Can I come in!"

"Ya, hurry! She's losing consciousness!"

George rushed through the door, only to see that Shannon was perfectly fine.

"…She's perfectly fine…"

"And so are you for now, George, take a seat on that couch over there."

"…Shannon what's this all about?"

"Umm…. She won't let us leave until we take a seat over there…"

"…Jessica, why did you call me here?"

"I bet you got scared that Shannon would lose her boobs from injury when you heard she fell, didn't you?"

"Milady! George isn't like that!"

"How much do you really know about him, Shannon? He wants you so badly, and can't wait. I bet he's pretending to have x-ray vision right now, and looking through your clothes right now! Perrr~verrrt!"

"Jessica… what are you talking about?"

"Don't you know? Aren't you the one who just wants to hop in bed with Shannon, and then leave her a minute after you're done, and then leave her to take care of your child alone!"

"…Jessica… are you bored?"

"Yes! Now sit down! We need to talk!"

"Fine, but I really can't stay now that I know nothings wrong…"

"It doesn't matter if you can't, the boat to get you doesn't come back until tomorrow! I called the captain, and told him to pick you up tomorrow morning! We have all night to talk about this. Even if I need you to be sleep-deprived, I'll get the dirt out of you!"

"Fine, if I sit, will this be over faster?"

"The pain will be less excruciating, and it'll be over faster"

George took a seat.

"So, George. Are you lusting after Shannon's body?"

George blushed.

"N-no! Emotions over body!"

"Rrrrreee~aaallly?"

"Yes, really!"

"That's not what Shannon tells me"

Shannon blushed red as well, and a sea of redness engulfed the couch.

"Shannon…"

George whispered this under his breath.

"Hey! No whispering! If you have something to say, say it out loud!"

"I'm sorry George! I… just let it out! I didn't know it would lead to this!"

"Well, it was gonna lead to this eventually! George, tell me, do you fanaticize about Shannon doing naughty things to you in the middle of the night?"

"Th-that's!"

"It's okay if you don't wanna answer, George. We'll save that for later. By the end of this, I'll know all your dirty little secrets!"

"Milady! If George doesn't wanna say anything, don't make him!"

"Ooh, so you don't wanna know Shannon? Wouldn't you rather know if George loves you for you, or for your body?"

"Well, I… I!"

"I take that as a yes. So George. For you, at what point do you think is the best for sex?"

"..I don't have to answer this."

"Oh, yes you do. You really won't be leaving this room until you do."

"I'm 5 years older, and a man, I can probably overpower you and break me and Shannon free."

"Oh? Does age matter... When I have this?"

Jessica took out a pair of brass knuckles she had hidden behind her back.

"..Do I have to answer now?"

"Yes"

"Fine then. Whenever she's ready."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Shannon, what did you say to me earlier?"

Jessica shined her brass knuckles at her.

"I said... I think it was… That he wants to… right now?"

"So George. Weren't you just caught in a lie? Or does Shannon want it… right now? Well Shannon?"

"I... well… not exactly right now…"

"Ooo~hhh George, did I tell you what the penalty for lying in this room is?"

"…I… don't want to know."

"Well, its…"

Jessica inched forward to him.

"A PUNCH IN THE FACE!"

Jessica moved her fist close to George's face.

"Jessica! Don't punch him!"

"Just kidding! Scared you guys, didn't I?"

"Not funny!"

"Yes it was, now shut up. Shannon, do you like the way George is approaching you with sex on his mind?"

"No… not really."

"George, do you like to approach Shannon with dirty intentions? You don't have to answer, I already know what you're going to say."

"Hey!"

"It's okay George, humans are sexual beings. Just some more than others. You can admit it, can't you? I'm waiting."

"…Sometimes."

"Sometimes? How often?"

"30-40% of the time? I don't keep track!"

"Shannon, do you like this?"

"As long as he's not… open about it… yes…"

"He's open about it now. How does it make you feel that on your next date, he might be thinking about unmentionable things that shouldn't be done to a girl your age?"

"Maybe I'll be ready next time!"

"Eh? That was a fast change Shannon. Why so sudden?"

"I… was thinking…."

George's face brightened up.

"Pervert. You're worse than Battler probably."

"How would you know what Battler's like? We haven't seen him in 6 years."

"He was a pervert back then; he'll probably be one now. It runs in his family."

"Anyway, can we go now? We got over our 'issues'."

"Remember, you can't leave until tomorrow morning. Anything else you want to talk about? I know it all! I can help with any love situation!"

"Well… my parents are having some trouble… with… some things…"

"Your parents?"


	3. Eva and Hideyoshi

"Hello? Jessica, can I come in? It's Eva, and Hideyoshi…"

"Give me a second, I'm changing"

The interior of Jessica's room changed from the previous day, and now it was cleaner, and arranged to make it look more professional.

"Okay, come in!"

Hideyoshi and his wife walked inside.

"Oh! Jessica! Whats with the suit? Ya look pretty weird."

"Way to be frank, Hideyoshi. But really, how does it look on me? If I'm going to make a business out of this, I have to look the job."

"What do ya mean a business? Do we have to pay? We're low on money lately…."

"As my first actual costumer, you don't have to actually pay. Spread the word around though, kay? Eventually I'll need to starting charging money"

"Can do."

"So, you two, take a seat over on that couch. George tells me you've been having some marital problems. Whats up?"

"I don't see why we have to be taking advice from you! I only came here because this man over here told me to…"

"We're already off to a nice start. You two listen to each other."

"We listen to each other, but something else is wrong."

"Oh? What?"

"Recently, we took a trip to the hospital, because my vision was being becoming blurred, and I was feeling fatigued lately…."

Hideyoshi dropped his fake accent, and switched to a more serious tone.

"We didn't think it was anything at first… but Eva forced me to go…"

"It was for your own good, dear!"

"Ya, but life would've been better if you never took me!"

"We had to go!"

"No we didn't! Life's been terrible since we went!"

"Woah! Calm down! What happened?"

"After a series of test, the doctors diagnosed Hideyoshi with…"

"With…? Whats with people always pausing in the middle of their sentences, expecting me to ask questions! ..Oops, sorry, that was unprofessional of me. Continue"

"They told him he had type 2 diabetes."

"Woah!? Seriously? That's huge!"

"Yes, we know. At first we didn't believe the doctor, and we thought he was lying to us. I let a threat slip out about how I would kick his head off if he was lying… and they kicked us out of the hospital…. So we went to see another doctor."

"Geez! That was going far… I know when people get upset they resort to violence, but damn."

"The other doctor said he also had diabetes, so we were forced to believe that he really did…."

"So, you two haven't been handling it well?"

"Not at all! Eva looked up some ways to help handle it, and she's been forcing me to eat these nasty foods, and go out on jogs with her every morning! Then just last week she made me go train martial arts with her!"

"Soooo… you're being stubborn? This isn't much of a problem, Eva is right."

"Thank you! Dear, we have to do all this stuff or something seriously bad could happen!"

"I know it's good for me, but it's embarrassing!"

"How is it embarrassing to know your wife loves you…? I wish Kanon would be like… Shit! I mean I hope my future husband treats me as well as your wife does for you."

"But the training! The jogging! On the first day of training, we had to do these weird kicks, and I fell on my ass! Everybody stared at me, I couldn't handle it!"

"You never made such a fuss about being seen doing something embarrassing before, dear."

"This time is different, I'm telling you!"

"What makes it different? How does knowing you have diabetes make everything embarrassing?"

"It just does! I can't explain it! This curse on me is the work of demons!"

"Dear, diabetes isn't the curse of demons. It's a sad ailment that affects a lot of people…"

"Demons? Do you seriously believe that? Look, Hideyoshi, even if its demons, maybe taking the correct measures will…."

"I don't need to hear that story again! If I do this, if I do that! I'm tired of it! Why can't it just go away! Isn't there medicine out there that can heal it!?"

"Hideyoshi, it doesn't work that way. The first step into approving your life from this point is accepting that you have diabetes!"

"I know that, but I can't accept it either way!"

"…"

"You don't know how I feel! My life is pretty shitty right now!"

"Dear! It's going fine, you just hit a bump in the road! Life changes generally go from worse to better! Just give it time!"

"Eva's right, it takes a long time to get used to something, but it'll happen!"

"Aaahhh! Shut up! Just leave me alone!"

Hideyoshi started to cry, and he covered his eyes with his palm. Eva put her arms around him, and comforted him.

"…"

A few minutes passed, and Hideyoshi looked back up.

"Okay."

"Huh?"

"I'll accept that it'll get better. But when!? I don't think I can handle much more of this!"

"It'll happen, darling. Just give it time, and continue your healthy eating habits, and your exercises, and soon everything will be better."

"Listen to your wife; she just wants what is best for you."

"Ya... I know… it's just so hard…."

He was still crying.

"Is everything okay now? Do you know what you guys need to do?"

"I think I can handle it now, thanks Jessica."

"No problem, be sure to spread around how awe~some I am!"

Jessica waved them goodbye, while Eva had her hands still wrapped around her husband. Jessica waited a few seconds until she knew they were away, and yelled out…

"What the hell was that!? That was hardly a love issue…. What am I getting myself into…. Maybe I shouldn't have told them to tell others about me if this is what it's going to be like from now on…. They're probably gonna call Rosa or something the moment they get home!"

Jessica shut the door, and went back to the studies her mom was making her do.


	4. Rosa

"Damnit! Wheres that phone!? I hear it but I don't see it…. ah, there it is!"

Jessica picked the phone up.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Hello, its Rosa."

"Oh, hey."

"I have an important question for you…"

"What is it?"

"Is it true that you're counseling people about… love?"

"Well… kinda…."

"Think you could help me with something….?"

"Um…. Sure. But it'll cost money! That NES doesn't buy itself!"

"Oh…. How much?"

"1000 yen?"

"Only 1000!? All the other counselors made me pay 5000…."

"..How many others did you see?"

"I lost count after 6…."

"Woah, this is serious! Get over here now!"

"Can I be there tomorrow…?"

"No! Now! Get over here! It should only take two hours!"

"Do I have to bring Maria…?"

"No no, you don't have to! This is personal!"

"Ok, let me drop her off at the babysitters…"

"Ok, see you in a few!"

Jessica tidied the room up, making it look more professional once again. After cleaning, she used the phone in her room to call Shannon up again.

"Shannon! Get up here!"

"Will I be locked inside again?"

"No... maybe… I don't know yet! Just get up here!"

"Really…. I can't…"

"Yes you can!"

"Fine…"

"Oh, and bring tea!"

"You won't throw a pillow at me when I get up there… right?"

"I don't think I will."

"I have hot tea as a weapon, if you try again, Milady."

"Ouch! Resentment towards last time?"

"A little."

After 10 minutes, Shannon opened the door.

"Good, no pillow throwing this time."

"You scared me with your threat."

"Maybe I should remember that…."

"Noooo! Then I won't be able to force you into my room!"

"Don't force me then, Milady!"

"Fii~nnee"

"So why did you call me up?"

"It's serious!"

"His boxers are blue, Milady."

"Woah! Really? I don't think I have anything blue…. Wait what! That's not what I was trying to say."

"Oh, well now you know what color they are."

"They probably aren't blue! Anyway, Rosa's coming here!"

"What about Madam Rosa?"

"You know how messed up she is! I need your help to talk to her! She's seen over 6 counselors already!"

"What do I get if I help, Milady?"

"Half the profit!"

"Is that all, Milady?"

"Half the profit, and I keep the discussion between you and George secret!"

Shannon blushed after remembering to two days ago.

"What if I decide to not to help?"

"I have Eva's number!"

"…Okay, I'll help."

"Good!"

"So what do I have to do…?"

"Just sit down and talk to her!"

"Such hard work…"

"Oh, and make sure there's tea ready!"

"So I basically continue what I'm doing already?"

"Yep!"

"You should have told me that in the first place, Milday…"

"Is she going to be getting here soon!? I'm bored! This takes forever!"

"You're the one that decided to bring her over here."

"But it's not my fault Rosa is slow as hell!"

"You're right. It's not your fault that you made me stay here, forced yourself to stay in this room, and invite her here in the first place."

"Exactly! You know me so well."

* * *

Someone knocked on the door.

"Hello? Its Rosa, can I come in?"

"Ya! Come in and sit on the couch!"

"Okay… I'm coming in."

Rosa walked in, and looked for the couch. She found it, and sat down her purse down on it, then set herself down.

"So, Rosa. What do you want to talk about?"

"Why is Shannon here…? I thought it was just going to be us…."

"She's going to help me. I thought it would be easier to talk to you with another person here."

"Am I that crazy!? You need two!?"

Rosa starting yelling.

"Woah, calm down! It's okay. Shannon knows a lot about this type of stuff!"

".. Milady, what type of stuff do I know about…?"

Shannon said this in a whisper.

"This type! Anyway, Rosa, what's wrong?"

"I'm… just having trouble! I can't keep a relationship for long… it's hard to go around looking for a boyfriend when you have a daughter at home, and work! Lots of work…"

"Madam Rosa, have you ever thought that you don't need love?"

Shannon used her calm tone still, trying to comfort Rosa more than Jessica who was yelling…

"You don't need love! Take care of Maria! Do Work! Love comes later!"

"I need love! You don't know what it's like to have the man you loved leave you after having their child!"

"That doesn't mean you need love, Madam Rosa…. Even if you do, you need to take it slowly…."

"Shut up Shannon! I don't think you know anything about love!"

"Clam down, Rosa! You don't need to attack poor… little… shy… Shannon like that!"

"Okay... fine…"

"So, Rosa. What do you think is the root of this problem!? You think you need love, but do you really need it?"

"I do! I… just don't feel complete if I only have Maria…"

"Is Madam Maria the problem…? Do you think she gets in your way…?"

"Sometimes, yes, but not always…"

"How often do you think she gets in your way!?"

"A lot? Pretty much every time I get a man…."

"Do you think she gets in your way, or does she get in your way? There's a difference, Madam Rosa…"

"I don't know! Both?"

"There isn't a both option! Choose one! Now!"

"Umm… she gets in my way!"

"How does she get in your way?"

"She always needs to be taken care of!"

"Well duh! She's 9!"

"So!? Shouldn't a 9 year old be able to take care of themselves?"

"No! A 9 year old should be raised by their parents with care! She's at a precious stage in her life!"

"But with her, I can never go out on dates! I can never meet anyone new!"

"You could always bring the guys to your house, Madam Rosa…"

"But what would they do when they see Maria voicing over stuffed animals, and say uu-uu uu-uu!"

"Maybe they'll think it's cute! Playing with stuffed animals is completely normal!"

"But she's getting too old! I have to take them away from her eventually!"

"Maybe take them away when the guy comes to your house…?"

"Okay! I got it! The problem here is Maria! Well, you think its Maria! Go back home, and bring her here tomorrow! We'll all have a talk together! Okay?"

"Do I have to bring her here?"

"Yes! We won't get anywhere until we all talk!"

"I agree with Milady… I think it's best if you bring her here…"

"But we probably won't get anywhere! Maria doesn't need to hear this type of stuff!"

"Yes! Yes she does! It's a family issue, just mainly your issue! Maria is still a part of it! Bring her here tomorrow, and make sure you have the 10 dollars!"

"What if I don't show up?"

"I'll hunt you down and force you to pay me more money!"

"….That threat won't work on me."

"Then me and you are going to your house together. If you won't bring her here, I'll bring myself there!"

"Milady, I think that's going too far... if she doesn't want to talk about it anymore, don't make her."

"Well I want to talk about it! Oh, Shannon, you're coming too. Make Kanon do your chores, this is important."

"Milady! I really can't!"

"Yes you can. Okay, let's go!"

Jessica called the boat captain, and told him to pick them up. She then grabbed Rosa and Shannon's arm, and pulled them along.


	5. Rosa and Maria

"Look! It's here!"

"Milady, do I really have to go?"

"Yes!"

"Do both of you have to go to my house?"

"Yes!"

"Are you going to reply yes to every objection?"

"Yes!"

"I guess there is no point in arguing, Madam Rosa…"

"Guess so…"

"All aboard! Time to take a trip!"

They all got on the boat, and it sailed to the mainland

* * *

"Is this your house, Rosa?"

"Woah! Smaller than I thought it would be!"

"That's a rude thing to say milady."

"Please go in… I guess…"

"You didn't even have to tell me!"

They all entered her house.

"This is a very neat house, Madam Rosa."

"Me and Maria cleaned up recently…. She made a mess one day when I was busy with work."

"Even with a house this small, plenty of guys would love to have a date here!"

"Milady, that's up for Madam Rosa to decide…"

"It's perfect! Dress Maria up, and eat dinner together! The guy will fall in love with how cute Maria looks!"

"Madam Rosa, where is Madam Maria?"

"Maria! Where are you! We have guests!"

"Uu-uu! In the living room!"

"Please make yourself at home while I go get some tea ready…"

Jessica and Shannon took a seat on the couch next to Maria, who was sitting down on the floor playing with some toy rabbits.

"What are you playing Madam Maria?"

"Uu-uu! Rabbit tea time! Rabbit tea time!"

"How nice, can I join in?"

"You can have the rabbit that plays the drums! Uu-uu"

"Ooh! Can I have the one that plays guitar? I bet I can train it to be better than me!"

"Milady, it's up to Madam Maria what you get to play."

"Aww! That's not fun!"

"I'm playing with the guitar! Can't have! Can't have!"

"Fine! Can I play the… the… one…. Trumpet! Is there a trumpet?"

"Uu… no…"

"..Milady, I think you're upsetting her somehow…."

"Oops! Sorry. For~give me Maria?"

"Uu-uu! Forgive! Uu-uu!"

Rosa walked into the room with, set tea down on the table, and whispered to Jessica…

"Do we really have to involve her in this?"

"Yes! Now sit down, next to Maria!"

"On the floor..?"

"Yes! On the floor! The key to this is closeness!"

"Mama! Sit down! Sit down!"

Rosa sat down on the spot Maria was patting.

"To start this off, Maria, do you know where your mom went?"

"Um... um…"

Maria looked at Rosa. Rosa nodded yes.

"Uu-uu! Yes!"

"…Milady, Madam Rosa just told Madam Maria to say yes…"

"Rosa! I have an important question for you!"

"Yes... Jessica..?"

"Why was Maria at home? Didn't you tell us you were going to drop her off at the babysitters?"

"I… think I did…."

"Then why wasn't she there?"

"I-I was in a rush! I forgot!"

"Did you also forget to tell her you were going to our house?"

"No! I told her! I did!"

"Oh? Then why did Maria not know what to answer when I asked her if she knew were you where?"

"Madam Rosa, I think you should give up…. Milady is going to persist until she gets the truth…"

"Okay! Fine! I left her alone without telling her!"

"Good! You admitted the truth! One step closer. Now for the next step, why didn't Maria freak out after noticing her mom has been gone for hours? Most 9 year olds would be scared to death. Oh, and no telling Maria what to say this time!"

"Well… um… Maria probably heard me on the phone and knew I was going somewhere important."

"Madam Maria… did you know Madam Rosa was going anywhere…?"

"Uu.. No…"

"Look at you Shannon! Coming out of your shy shell!"

"Milady, I know when something's right and when something's wrong…"

"I know! But it's still shocking to see you force yourself onto others like this! It's like what George was trying to do to you! Except less perverted!"

Shannon blushed again…

"Anyway, Milady, we need to focus on Rosa again…"

"Right, right. Rosa, Maria is clearly used to you leaving all the time. Is there anything you'd like to tell us?"

"..No.."

"Madam Rosa… you'll be doing yourself a favor if you just answer truthfully."

"She isn't used to this! She isn't! You two are just trying to trap me in a corner!"

"Madam! We aren't! We are just concerned!"

"Rosa! It's obvious you leave Maria home alone all the time! That isn't cool! Do you go out looking for men while she's at home!?"

"No! Stop accusing me of all these things! You have no proof about anything! This doesn't have anything to do with my problems anymore! It's about you! You keep accusing me! You're the one who's reckless!"

"Madam Rosa, clam down! Milady is just being brash as usual!"

"I won't calm down! I play along with her, invite her into my house, and then she accuses me of all this bullshit!?"

"It's not bullshit! You come to me asking for love advice, and then you yell at me to get out of your house! What about Maria!? What do you think she has to say about it!?"

"Milady, calm down!"

"Mama! Mama! Stop it! Uu-uu! Stop it!"

"I don't have to deal with this shit! Get out of my house Jessica!"

"Fine, let's go Shannon!"

"Milady, wait! Stop for a second! Milady!"

Jessica rushed out the door, and Shannon followed after her. Inside the house, you could hear Maria crying "Stop fighting! Stop fighting!"

* * *

"Milady! Wait! Wait!"

Shannon ran down the road chasing after a fuming Jessica.

"Shannon, lets go, there's no chance of us helping her. She's just messed up! Leaving her daughter home alone…"

"Milady! You have to give her a chance!"

"She doesn't deserve a chance! Look at how she's treating Maria!"

"She deserves even more of a chance then others! We have to put a stop to this! We're here now! Milady, give her a second chance!"

Jessica turned to face Shannon and she was clearly crying.

"I know you're upset, Milady, but you have to give her another chance! Just go back there and apologize!"

"Why should I!? She's just gonna kick me out again!"

"If you keep yourself calm, she won't."

"I can't keep myself calm in this situation!"

"You can. You just need to focus and keep the goal in sight."

* * *

Jessica and Shannon were knocking on the door to Rosa's house.

"Who is it!?"

"It's me… Jessica."

"If you're back to call me out on a bunch of shit, go away."

"Milady apologizes for acting out like that. She would like to talk to you one last time, Madam Rosa."

"And you won't act out..?"

"Madam Rosa, neither of you are going to act out. I'll make sure of it, please let us in…"

"Fine… but first sign of a fight… I'm kicking Jessica out…"

"First sign of anything bad, I'm leaving! I don't even want to be here…"

Rosa opened the door and led them back to the living room, Maria wasn't inside this time.

"Madam Rosa, do you want to talk about it with me instead of Milady? I won't act out."

"I didn't act out! It was reasonable!"

"You did act out! You made me get into an argument with my daughter in the room! Its people like you that are corrupting her!"

"Isn't it you who-"

"Milady! Stop it. Do I have to separate you two? You're acting like little kids."

Shannon calmed both of them down, and then they moved onto the topic at hand.

"Madam Rosa, Milady would like you to talk about your problems once again. Please let her speak."

"I'll let her."

"Okay. So, do you leave Maria home for hours at a time..?"

"..Sometimes, not always though! Just… a lot more than I should.."

"Good! We're getting somewhere again."

"..Do you think its… bad of me to be doing this to her…?"

"If I could speak, Madam Rosa, yes it is. I know as a servant to the Ushiromiya family, I shouldn't talk out like this, but it is wrong, and I think you should put a stop to it."

"Yes! Thank you, Shannon. That's what I was trying to say earlier."

"I know it's bad… but I can't ever find love with her around all the time!"

"Madam Rosa, earlier, I mentioned that you should invite the men over to this house, so they can meet with you and Madam Maria. If they stick around after that, maybe they'll be the one for you."

"I got it! Rosa! Invite the next guy over, and keep track of everything that happens! Then when that happens, come and explain everything to me! If it didn't work out for you, it's not that big of a deal, but we both can learn from this!"

"Good, Milady. Madam Rosa, what do you have to say to that?"

"I'll agree for now."

"Good."

"Now that we agreed to this, can you get out of my house? I don't want you in here any longer."

"Fine, but you have to tell me if it works out!"

Rosa kicked them out of the house, and the two used a payphone down the street to call a taxi back. On the way back….

"Shit! I never got money from her!"

"It's okay, Milady, the thought of knowing that you helped them should be enough."

"No! It's not! All the hard work I put into this! And when I get home, my parents are gonna punish me for disappearing for hours! They're gonna make granddad attack me!"

"Master would never attack you, Milady."

"He is! He's gonna level up, and use his special attack on me!"

"Milady, I have no idea what you just said."


	6. Kinzo and Beatrice

"Jessica, where were you between lunch and now?"

At the dinner table, Natsuhi was wondering about where her daughter went.

"Me and Shannon went out for a walk in the woods. We wanted a picnic!"

"Jessica, you shouldn't be going on picnics, especially with a servant, when you could be up in your room studying."

"But studying is so boring! You can only study for so long without getting bored!"

"Jessica! Studying is important, the school system expects you to be smart! Why else would they start teaching rocket science!?"

Jessica almost laughed, but held herself back.

"Jessica, after dinner, please go up to Father's study, Krauss told him you were shirking off your duties, and he would like to talk to you."

"Shit!"

"Jessica! Don't use such language!"

"She's 18, let her!"

"Noooo! Not this again! Dad moon travel won't happen, and I'll sit properly and all that!"

Dinner ended, and Jessica started walking to Kinzo's study. She passed Shannon on the way up.

"You told me he wouldn't be mad at me! You lie! Liiaaarrr!"

"Don't worry, Milady. I just got back from serving him, and he doesn't seem too angry. I hope things work out!"

"Don't leave me! Nooooo! I'm gonna get paddled again! And I'm too old for that! Waaaiit! Nooo!"

Jessica kept calling for Shannon, but Shannon ignored her. When Jessica stood in front of the study door's, she gulped, and knocked.

"Who is it!? If you have nothing to say, leave me alone to my studies!"

"It's me… grandfather"

"Oh! Jessica! Genji, let her in. We need to have a talk."

"Yes, Master."

"You can leave once you let her in as well."

"Thank you, Master."

Genji opened the doors, and let Jessica in. He then walked down the hall.

"Take a seat on that couch over there, Jessica."

Jessica usually would've made a joke about the reoccurrence of couches in her life, but now was not the time. She walked over and set down.

"Jessica! Your father has told me what you've been doing!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! Forgive me for ignoring my studies! I'll try harder from now on!"

"Studies!? Who needs studies."

"Wha…?"

"Your father told me you've opened up a business to help people."

"Ya… I have… do you want me to stop it..?"

"I don't care. Continue if you want. Just don't get in my way, except for this one time."

"This one time….?"

"My ring still needs to be returned to you, Beatrice! I need to see you one last time!"

Kinzo started yelling to thin air, and Jessica started laughing at him. Kinzo turned to face Jessica, and Jessica quit laughing. Kinzo wasn't even looking at her, he was looking at the witch standing behind her now.

"..But I don't want to see you one last time, Kinzo"

"Ooh Beatrice! Why are you so cruel to me!?"

"Woah! What the fuck is going on!?"

"Kinzo, I only chose to appear here once again so you can finally get over obsession with me."

"Beatrice! Why won't you let me spend the rest of my life with you! Oh Beatrice!"

"Hold on hold on hold on! What's going on!? She exists!? That witch on the portrait exists!?"

"She's always existed you fool!"

"How was I supposed to know that!? When you made me pose for the painting of that picture, I was just playing along!"

"You only posed for me because you had the same body type! The only thing that makes you guys look similar is the body and the blonde hair!"

"My hair is a different shade from hers though! Wait! How did she even get in here without me noticing?"

"She's always been here watching after me! Ooooh, Beatrice! Why did you choose to appear now! Why only now!?"

"I've never been watching over you! I've been on the complete opposite end of the island just hoping you would never find me!"

"Don't lie to me Beatrice! You've been waiting to be able to touch me one last time!"

"Fuck! Leave me alone you damn stalker! I never want to see you again!"

Jessica got up from the couch, and yelled

"STOP IT! Both of you, that couch, now!"

"If it means I get to sit next to Beatrice, gladly."

"Can I sit on a different couch? This guy is crazier then Lady Bernkastel!"

"No! That one! Sit your ass down!"

Beatrice gave, and went to sit down. She sat on the opposite side of Kinzo, but Kinzo tried to inch himself closer…

"See the problem! He's addicted to me! I can't get away!"

"Grandad! Back off!"

"He won't listen to that! I tried killing him, I tried to drive him crazier by saying "kihihihihihihihihi" into his ear all the time, and I've even tried to possess that woman downstairs, and tried to get her to nag him to death! Nothing works! It just makes him love me more!"

"What is he, a masochist!?"

"At this point, I think so!"

"Beatrice! Quit playing your cruel games with me! Let me just touch you before I die!"

Kinzo moved his hands closer to Beatrice's leg. Beatrice open her hands like a pair of claws, and stabbed her nails into his hand.

"Your torment only makes it more worthwhile in the end!"

"Then if I act nice to you will you leave me alone!? Jessica, this guy is driving me crazy! I think I might just kill this whole family and hope nobody else spawns from this bastards gene pool ever again!"

"Damn, murder!? That's way too much!"

"If it's the only way to get him to back off, gladly! I was raised as a kind witch by teacher, but I can only take show much of this shit!"

"Okay, I got it! I know the answer to this!"

"Tell me! He's about to use both his hands now!"

Beatrice clawed the other hand.

"Can't you see the blood only makes him more excited! He's hornier then George! Damnit! This is horrible!"

"Well then help me take care of him!"

"Let me find something in here to take care of him!"

Jessica searched the room for some stuff. She came back with some ice-pick like objects, a squirt bottle, and some Winchester rifles.

"I don't think I can use a gun to calm him down… I think my mom would get mad at me if I kill him… These ice picks seem worthless, and I don't know what the hell to do with this squirt bottle!"

"Oh! I've seen that that squirt bottle before! Kinzo would use it on his furniture to get them to do stuff for him, just like dogs!"

"Furniture! ..isn't that what Kanon likes to call himself? …Maybe I could use this bottle to…."

"You're worse than him!"

"Whoops! Sorry. Okay, let me test out this squirt bottle."

"But I still can't get up off the couch?"

"No! The couch is important to the procedure!"

"What procedure!? Rape as his granddaughter watches!"

"Just shut up! Let me test out the bottle…"

Jessica stepped in front of Kinzo, and used the bottle on him.

"What? What's happening!?"

"…Did you forget you were just about to jump on her!?"

"See! This is the problem! He looks at me, and goes in a trance! It's like I'm some weird ass drug! I don't wanna be a drug! I don't wanna be next to this guy! Make him go away!"

"I can't make him go away until you both calm down and start talking!"

"We don't need to talk about anything, Beatrice, love me until the day we must separate!"

"Hopefully that'll be today…"

Jessica walked up to Kinzo, and sprayed him. Beatrice started cackling, and then Jessica sprayed some water on her face.

"Hey! Don't spray my face!"

"You're both acting out."

"But don't spray me! Maybe I should kill this family…"

"Kill us, and I'm sure one of us will find you in purgatory and force you to resurrect us!"

"Nobody in your family is strong enough to make me do that! The only thing the Ushiromiya family is, is crazy! I'm gonna get my friend to move all your stuff around when you aren't looking!"

"Do you even have friends? You've probably been trapped on this island forever!"

"Give me that bottle."

"Why?"

"You're acting out too! I should be able to torture you with watery death also!"

"Not allowed!"

"Why not?"

"Counselors rule!"

"What rules!? You're hardly a counselor!"

"Want proof? I'll go and get my papers if you want!"

"Fine! Go get them!"

Jessica turned around, and went into one of the other rooms in the study. After a two minutes, she came back out. Beatrice had a stool in her hand, and was defending herself from Kinzo when Jessica got back. Jessica sprayed Kinzo and Beatrice in the face, and they both sat back down on the couch

"Okay, here are my papers. The rulebook is also included."

Beatrice grabbed the papers, and flipped through them.

"The first one says "Jessica – Love Counselor – Now shut up and listen to me!"

"Continue"

"The rule book says…"

Beatrice looked through the book.

"Rule One: What do my papers tell you to do!?"

Jessica started laughing at her own joke.

"Rule Two: No molesting while therapy is in session…. Is this all of them?"

"Yep."

"I agree with half of them."

"That's good enough for me, now let's finally start talking about this. Beatrice, tell me your side of the story."

"This guy has imprisoned me here for years. I can't leave, some magical barrier exists trapping me inside."

"So basically, you need him to remove the barrier, and then you can be free?"

"I think."

"Okay then, the solution is clear."

Jessica walked up to Kinzo, and sprayed him in the face. She sprayed him again. Then again. Kinzo started rolling on the couch like he was having a seizure, and then fell down.

"You're treating him like the animal he deserves to be treated as. You could probably be a crueler witch then I ever could be."

"Kihihihihi!"

"..Please don't do that."

"Sorry. I had to."

"..I'll forgive you this once."

Kinzo got up from the floor.

"Stop spraying me!"

"No"

"How can I get you to stop, yet still let me keep my dearest Beatrice!"

"You can't. Give up on her now."

"I can never give up on my Beatrice!"

"If you don't, I'll destroy this painting of her with my squirt bottle."

"Kihihi! Choose one, Kinzo! Me or your precious painting… do you like 2D girls, or 3D girls!?"

Beatrice stood up, and walked over to the painting that Jessica moved to just a second ago. They both said…

"Well Kinzo, what will it be?"

"Beatrice! Don't make me choose!"

"If you have to think about it, that's just pathetic! You're a horrible grandfather! I would choose the real Kanon over a painting any day! You need to learn what love is! You old bastard!"

"I do know what love is! It's you that doesn't understand! Oooh… Why must I be cursed with incompetent grandchildren!?"

"I know more about love then you! Now free Beatrice! Let her leave this island once and for all!"

Jessica started spraying the painting of Beatrice. Kinzo shrieked and cried, and took off the ring on one of his fingers.

"Fine! Leave! Destroy this ring and It'll allow you to leave this island!"

Kinzo threw the ring at Beatrice, but it hit Jessica instead.

"Ow! You have bad aim!"

"The water probably blocked his vision…"

"Well, here you go, take this ring. But once you get set free, I expect 1500 yen from you!"

"Money is useless for Witches!"

"Don't care! I haven't been paid once! I need some damn money!"

"Fine, whatever, let me leave this place!"

Beatrice crushed the ring, and then disappeared into golden butterflies. Jessica left Kinzo in his study, crying on the floor. When she got out…

"Wait, what the hell just happened!?"


End file.
